I have realised that there is a hesitancy within me to publicly discuss the energetic medicine tools and practices that I use in my coaching & therapy work…
I have been thinking on this a lot and stumbled across a stubborn belief hiding out in my subconscious that says if I talk about chakras and meridians and energy too much…
‘People are going to think I’m totally kooky and way too woo!!’
Well hello there… persistent belief, gather round… let’s chat.
When I connect to the emotion behind this belief, I discover it is fear. Fear of standing out, fear of judgement, fear of not being understood, fear of being different…
When I connect to the first memory that first comes to mind… I am taken back to the school yard.
I had a burgeoning love of op-shopping (before it was in vogue) and on a uniform free day I decided to wear my latest second-hand find. I can’t remember the specifics of the outfit, but I thought it was super fabulous.
Suffice to say, it wasn’t deemed very ‘cool’ for an all girls school.
I remember walking up the school driveway, feeling pretty ace.. and the unsettling feeling dawning on me that people were talking about me and snickering behind my back.
That dreaded feeling that I had stuffed up in the most TERRIBLE of ways – I had decided to draw attention upon myself! I had veered away from the norm! Ain’t no Roxy jumper, flared jeans and Adidas shoes here.
I can laugh about it now.. but at the time it was devastating. I thought I was doing something really cool and rather different and I realised that I was going to spend weeks paying for it dreadfully.
The raised eyebrows.
‘Oh, where exactly did you find THIS OUTFIT hmm?’
How interesting to discover that the unresolved emotion from this event is still playing out today…
I have kept an incredibly passionate and deeply loved part of my work somewhat hidden from my public writings and marketing because the inner 14 year old in me doesn’t want to feel rejected, or be deemed as different, ‘kooky’ or ‘woo woo.’
(Funny, because I think that those who know me well will know that I have always erred on the side of ‘different’)
It’s important to remember that these stories, fears and beliefs that we have love to keep us SAFE and PROTECTED.
Safe from harm… embarrassment… rejection… abandonment.
But often our impulse is to either admonish ourselves and our fear or ignore it… pretend it isn’t there and banish it from our consciousness.
In my experience, this doesn’t work. It simply bubbles up in another form.
So today, I had a proverbial cup of tea with my fear of being seen as kooky.
‘Thank you fear. For all the ways that you’ve protected me. I see you now and I’m hoping that we can be open to shifting our relationship? Because I am not a self-conscious teenager anymore… and I have some big plans that requires me to be bold and honouring of my uniqueness. And… well.. sometimes the level of fear you put in holds me back and keeps me from moving forward. I’m curious about the possibility of working together in a new way..’
And it totally shifted. To the point that I can write this public post and CLAIM MY KOOKINESS!
I know that my clients who are the a perfect fit for working with me delight in a level of kookiness too.
So here is to honouring our differences and being courageous enough to dance with our fear!